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alan watts
May 2007 
Zen Confusion and Work
Posted on May 4th, 2006
by 
ROb
ROb
There's something that's been bugging me for a while, and I think I finally resolved it this morning with a little help from the late, great, Alan Watts :) (he's my homeboy!)
I've had this discontent with my job and career in general for the past year and a half at the least. I also read a lot of Zen-inspired books, articles, sites, etc over this time... I really really dig the whole Zen philosophy. Been known to say that it's my favorite thing that humans have ever come up with. So, I kinda looked to these books for some guidance to my issues with my job, right? And it really didn't help.
The "pop-Zen" american versions seem to push being happy with whatever you're doing. This, I actally do buy into. Wherever I'm at, I might as well enjoy it. It's really how I try and live my whole life, and it actually works pretty well! But...This work thing. They say to just put any discontent out of my mind, focus on the task at hand, and enjoy. There was something still missing, though.
This morning I was listening to some Alan Watts lectures on the Tao, and some of the ideas contained in Taoism as it relates to living life. It's great stuff, I really dig Alan, and he was talking about how only this current moment exists. Pretty typical stuff, really, but there was a jewel beneath the lecture itself that really hit me.
Attaching to the future or the past leads to suffering. Fer sure, I'm really with that, almost to an extreme actually, where it can get me in trouble sometimes, but..that's another blog. My favorite example that Alan brought up was this not-exact-quote-that-i'm-about-to-kinda-make-up:
"You see, dying isn't really so bad. You just die, and that's it. But, when you start attaching to the things you won't get to do, the memories that will be gone, the impact you won't have on the world anymore...This is where the suffering comes in. If you were to just die, and that's that; it wouldn't be so bad!"
And yeah, I'm with that. With respect to work, if I were sick of working because it was more of the same-old, day-in, day-out...if That was why I wasn't happy with my job, that really would be my own doing. Then, I really should just be happy doing it. But, I realized that that's not the case!
My unhappiness with my job has nothing to do with the future or the past. It's the feeling I have Now, in this moment when I look around at the cubicles, and artificial-lights, and I think "This isn't for me. This isn't right. I feel like doing so much more in this moment!" And I realized that I had lead myself wrong with the popular Zen I'd filled my head with.
My problem isn't the past or the future or my attachments to it; it's how I feel. It's not the task that I'm unhappy with...it's not the work itself. It's that in this moment, at this time, my soul feels/Knows that it wants to do more. The "now" IS the issue. It's a very tricky thing, at least for me. I've been strugglin' with it for over a year! The logic's slippery, but sound.
So I feel more confident than ever. I had felt very "un-Zen" and almost dissappointed in my self (ironic?) when I just couldn't be happy doing what I'm doing. Realizing that there's more to an experience, more to the "now" than the tasks at hand, and that the only attachment that I was torturing me with was to my perception of the teachings themselves (again irony?)... Well, that's really cool.
Overall, it's a great reminder to always question any advice, any teachings. If I think I'm missing something...I probably am.
I've had this discontent with my job and career in general for the past year and a half at the least. I also read a lot of Zen-inspired books, articles, sites, etc over this time... I really really dig the whole Zen philosophy. Been known to say that it's my favorite thing that humans have ever come up with. So, I kinda looked to these books for some guidance to my issues with my job, right? And it really didn't help.
The "pop-Zen" american versions seem to push being happy with whatever you're doing. This, I actally do buy into. Wherever I'm at, I might as well enjoy it. It's really how I try and live my whole life, and it actually works pretty well! But...This work thing. They say to just put any discontent out of my mind, focus on the task at hand, and enjoy. There was something still missing, though.
This morning I was listening to some Alan Watts lectures on the Tao, and some of the ideas contained in Taoism as it relates to living life. It's great stuff, I really dig Alan, and he was talking about how only this current moment exists. Pretty typical stuff, really, but there was a jewel beneath the lecture itself that really hit me.
Attaching to the future or the past leads to suffering. Fer sure, I'm really with that, almost to an extreme actually, where it can get me in trouble sometimes, but..that's another blog. My favorite example that Alan brought up was this not-exact-quote-that-i'm-about-to-kinda-make-up:
"You see, dying isn't really so bad. You just die, and that's it. But, when you start attaching to the things you won't get to do, the memories that will be gone, the impact you won't have on the world anymore...This is where the suffering comes in. If you were to just die, and that's that; it wouldn't be so bad!"
And yeah, I'm with that. With respect to work, if I were sick of working because it was more of the same-old, day-in, day-out...if That was why I wasn't happy with my job, that really would be my own doing. Then, I really should just be happy doing it. But, I realized that that's not the case!
My unhappiness with my job has nothing to do with the future or the past. It's the feeling I have Now, in this moment when I look around at the cubicles, and artificial-lights, and I think "This isn't for me. This isn't right. I feel like doing so much more in this moment!" And I realized that I had lead myself wrong with the popular Zen I'd filled my head with.
My problem isn't the past or the future or my attachments to it; it's how I feel. It's not the task that I'm unhappy with...it's not the work itself. It's that in this moment, at this time, my soul feels/Knows that it wants to do more. The "now" IS the issue. It's a very tricky thing, at least for me. I've been strugglin' with it for over a year! The logic's slippery, but sound.
So I feel more confident than ever. I had felt very "un-Zen" and almost dissappointed in my self (ironic?) when I just couldn't be happy doing what I'm doing. Realizing that there's more to an experience, more to the "now" than the tasks at hand, and that the only attachment that I was torturing me with was to my perception of the teachings themselves (again irony?)... Well, that's really cool.
Overall, it's a great reminder to always question any advice, any teachings. If I think I'm missing something...I probably am.
Access: Public
I hear a lot that whatever you're doing now is important, even if it doesn't feel like it, because it is what is going to lead you to the next thing. This logic continues with, “when you get to a place that is really good for you, you'll look back and see that everything you had to go through, you had to go through to get to this place.”
Well, that only goes so far with me. I mean if we were to do the Zen thing and just Be Happy, would we ever get to the next place? I think not. I think that we endure things hoping they'll get better and lead to something, but in the end, we have to lead ourselves to that next thing. When we've had enough and can't take it anymore, that's when we move on and find the next thing, which may or may not be the Big Thing.
My husband changed jobs a few months ago and, in his stoic “It-is-what-it-is” philosophy, he said, “I learned from that experience that I am not cut out to be a fundraiser, and I'm not cut out to be micromanaged!” He had had enough and found something better. Much better.
So, if you're not going anywhere and your sayin' to yourself, “self, I am not going anywhere here, and really, I might be going backwards,” then it's past time to move along! And that's just what you're doing Rob! I'm so glad you're exploring new options and writing your own future (literally, with that “write-your-own-degree” program!).
Namaste.
I have to agree with Diane!
Whenever I read or hear spiritual literature, advice, etc. it is very helpful for me to remember that it is often generalized and the experience is much more important as a teaching.
It is not easy when the pay is good, and I am reasonably comfortable at in work to eject from the job. Alot of second guessing can go on there. I hear that.
It is very Zen to get beyond the words and conceptual. So, describing an apple is very unZen. Picking up the apple and eating it is Zen. Two totally different experiences. Talking about Rob in a job and analyzing it is cool. However, in the end, if your heart isn't there, then it isn't there. In my view, you don't have to justify it. I don't want to be here anymore. It's not me. Over here is who I am and that is where I am going. That is just personal integrity. Being true to yourself. Screw what someone said in a book or radio show. You are out of context. :o)
We are the path. I can get sooooooo hung up on spiritual rules and practices and ignore my inner heart and intuitions trying to conform to what I think someone is telling me that is a Master or Sage. What I do try to do is read what they say, and see if it jives with my inner world or more importantly expands the possibilities for my life. In my heart, I definitely know the difference if I am willing to listen. Experiencing is never a loss. The desire to move on and try something else is just the language of the heart saying grow and expand.
Life (for me) has just got to be about more than conforming to someone else's concept of life. Ack! Dry as dust that is.
I love Zen AND a lot of other spiritual paths. In the end, I choose the path and that is the gift of inner guidance.
No rules… Totally Naked… Off You Go to a new adventure from the Heart!
Let me know if I can help!
Blessings!
zennie
This is great Zennie!
It's also true that we spend WAY too much of our life at work for it to only be fulfilling! Our goal should be for our work to be our life. Not that we should ignore our lives outside of work, NO WAY! But when we are at work, we should feel that we are being of service (doing some good) so that when we go home and interact with our friends and family we are at peace. We should be able to bring home from work something (besides a paycheck!) that will make our lives richer. We should be able to bring to work something we learn at home that will make our work more of service. All of it should come together as a whole. Only then will we be healthy (free of the harmful sort of stress) and truly happy and whole.
Rambling now…
It is how we feel in the moment that colors our perception. It is amazing how many of us stay trapped in situations trying to “rise above” and make it work because we think we should based on someone else's experience or our own intellectualizing.
Sounds like we're both “getting real” about where we are - thank you for your kind words on my blog and for sharing yourself here. Seeing “now” for all its worth it so freeing - now is all we've got and it is certainly good enough for me!
Great comments Diane and Zennie - just love the wisdom here.
So much wisdom here! The blog and the comments fit so much with my own experience. I feel totally blessed to be reading them.
I find that emotions bring great information. They're not the truth in and of themselves, but they can serve as pointers that lead us to the path of asking questions and discovering our truth. Very powerful stuff. And great acknowledgment on your part, Rob.
I was actually talking to a friend the other day who has studied ancient Zen writings, and one of the ideas that she brought forward was that true Zen doesn't exclude intentional change. Rather, true Zen encourages the simultaneous forward movement with the experience of gratitude, joy, love and being very conscious and present in the moment. It seems that the “modern” Zen approach taught by some may be missing the good complexities of old. I don't know if it's true, but it was an interesting thought.
And, I couldn't agree more, that the greatest voice/teaching to listen to is our own. The goal of “figuring out” what to do in life is to simply allow the gifts that are already present inside of us to manifest. Simple, not easy. =) But, Rob, you are magnificent and I know you're on a great path!