Opening More Loudly

This new lengthy commute is having interesting effects, since now I have a little over an hour to myself.  There's this function of ROb(timeToSelf) that only has wackyness in it's domain, but I always forget the limits until look at my notes.

Today, I was thinking about a few different things.  Tsuya and I have been having an interesting conversation about being more comfortable with being natural in how we interact with others.  We each seem to have this idea that we hold ourselves back from really expressing our views,  our inner ideas and such, in fear of being seen as too "out there" or scaring people into silence and shy smiles.  I actually wrote a blog about it a little bit ago; I tend to lean back with opinions I hold, and retreat easily when they're challenged, so...So confidence is apparently somethin' I could be working on. Neat!

I was thinking about the various positions of ego that different cultures hold.  The western-mind is typically reported as being somewhere behind the eyes, but some indian cultures report it as being in their solar plexus and i've heard that other asian peoples have been known to report it as in their "tan'tien" or stomache'ish region.  Some swammies have meditations where they move their point of ego around through their whole body.

Moving my thoughts around is something I've played with for a while, and I might go into it some time.  Shifting thoughts around to the forward of my head/brain was a fascinating (even sorta painful!) experience.  So, I was thinking about this stuff, and decided to start trying to think from my stomache area for a bit, so I did and it was nice.  I was also thinking about the different areas that all sorts of people's voices originate from, so I started speaking from my stomach also and...what a noise!

I've been noticing my voice lately, and how it changes depending on the different situations I'm in.  When speaking with a friend whom I'm comfortable with, on a subject that has both passion and confidence, I can have this low-stomache deep, resonating, authoritative voice.  When I pass somebody in the hall while lost in thought and need to mutter a greeting at the last second, the oddest high-pitched squeaky "hi!"s can be heard.   Othertimes it can vary within the whole range.

 Anyway, so I think I'm going to play with this voice a bit.  The hollowing out, rounding of the body can resonate quite nicely.  Might also help with some of the ab/chest muscle-tightness that seems to be part of my whole body-issues-package, since if I'm collapsing in on my air as I avoid committing to viewpoints and such as a character trait...well, I could see that adding up. 

And these are the things that long lonely car rides bring out in me.  Loudly "OM"ing, reaching for deeper and deeper tones, saying "Goood Moorrrning!" in a rumbling voice to each car that passed as I practice for random-hallway-hello encounters...Where else but a car could you be around so many people, but so comfortable? I know the wide-open-mouthed  chanting could have looked funny if anybody paid attention, but the resonatin' in my bones was like a massage for the insides.  Not one of those good painful massages, but more like swallowing one of those cheap little massage chairs that people sit on in the mall.  

Another step in confidence and personal growth?  Maybe...Now I just need to stop feeling awkward, like everybody knows what I'm doing and knows that this voice isn't real and wondering just what am I trying to pull this time, when I'm actually just a phony who doesn't mind feeling silly in traffic...