Well...Last Friday was my last day of corporate america for a while to come!  Now, it's Monday morning, I'm chillin' at home, eatin' a hardboiled-egg-with-humus-for-yolk thing and checkin' up on some Zaadz!  Been in a "zaadz-funk" latley, so trying to get a little bit back in...

Friday was some Awesome last day to have.  It was "friday goody day", so I came in, and the designated goody-person brought in some waffles and omlettes from Le Peep so we sat around and ate for a bit...

Some of us had just found out that we all own the same portable video game systems, so we all brought ours in and played some head-to-head wireless games for the next few hours... 

Then, it was about lunch time, so a few people took me out to our favorite mongolian bbq restaurant, ate and chatted for a while... 

Came back, and work was throwing an ice cream social to celebrate good quarter-results!  Sat down, ate some ice cream, chatted for a while...

<>Went on a hunt to gather up some boxes for me to pack away all my cubicle-items; books, knicknacks, papers...

Then it was time to go! 

It was actually pretty sad when the boxes were packed, and everyone was leaving, saying bye for the last time.  That's the biggest thing that sucks about leaving a job, isn't it?  All the great people that are gonna be missed.  I sent out my farewell e-mail with contact info and all, but we all know how it goes with keeping in touch.

So now, here I am, officially unemployed (as my girlfriend already Loooves pointing out ;-)  ) and getting ready to get to work at putting together school stuff for next month.   Got a LOT of work to do to get ready for school...Turns out the course catalog they had given me to put together my degree was out of date and some of the classes aren't even offered anymore!  It's taken forever for teachers to reply back to my emails I had sent out...  The course load is way too crazy to handle, so I gotta figure out what to do.  Do I cancel out the botony multi-thing, and just focus on the physics courses?   I need to talk to some teachers to see if I can get out of some of the pre-requisistes for classes... is any of this plan even going to work? 

It's a funky situation to be in...I don't know how many times I felt like hitting the ABORT! button, and just staying at my same old job, with my comfy life... But, with the help of Shelly's "the secret" daily affirmations, my girlfriend Ginger's awesome loving support, and all the great Zaadzters to think'a... Things are moving ahead!

Hopefully, I'll still be able to hang out on Zaadz a bit, and get back on track with some more zaadzy-like blogs .  

So, I haven't felt very "Zaadzy" lately, and I'm starting to wonder: am I burned out on Zaadz?  What's changed?  Is this place that I once called "the biggest source of change in my life" just losing whatever edge I might have attached to it?  Am I just out of the flow?

I once spent hours surfing through blogs, making comments, adding to other's comments little tidbits I'd heard that related; I was constantly taking thoughts I had or things I noticed and wondering, can I make a blog out of this?  Now, I'm not sure what happened, nothing seems to "grip" me like it used to, there's no drive to contribute.  Where'd it go?

This all makes me think of a sort'a phenomena I noticed a while ago, relating to the "self help" spiritual-type book crazes that go around, that I call "The Self Help Trap."  Y'see, there's all these books out there, that are quite empowering to read.  It feels good to read a Peaceful Warrior, the Celestine Prophecy gives life an extra spark, the habits of highly effective people provides impetus and drive.  It can be addictive to read and read and read these books, feeling great every moment, feeling more powerful and secure every chapter that's finished...but then?  I've seen many a people fall flat.

I think that there's a trap here.  These enticing books with their seductive words can feel great while they're being read, but after a while?  It's all the same.  The ideas are always the same; take control of your life!  Love and let live!  Find your calling, and go!!  This is all quite fine advice naturally, but how often can somebody read about it before losing interest?

Here's where there's the trap: If the reader doesn't actually make the changes in their life that these books are suggesting, it's only a matter of time before the words lose meaning, and it all just seems like fluff.  The Self Help Trap:  Too caught up in reading the ideas to practice them, The momentum drops right out.

So I wonder, is that where I am? Have I just not been making enough changes in my life, that now Zaadz has lost all meaning to me?  I look around on the blogs and pods... Love blah blah blah, dreams blah blah...change the world flowery fluffy blah blah blah blah.... where'd the substance go?  Maybe I'm just not  providing it like i used to.

Y'know, though?  I see that I'm not the only one, and maybe that  has a compounding effect...  Only months ago, I felt that I was part of a little crowd.  We were all gung-ho, giving it our all, blogging on the important things, each one of my friends offering amazingly powerful writings!  We've all seemed to fade Zaadz into the background, and I wonder if we're not still connected; if not in the community of Zaadz, at least in the lack of contribution?

Maybe now just isn't the time for talking, and more the time of work to be done for us.  These terrific people that I took the add of "friend" very literally, I know they're all out there doing amazing things right now.  Is that how this place will end up working?  Momentum, momentum, momentum, gathering up, sharing ideas, stirring action, blogging, talking, thinking, and then!.. This place falls in the background as the ideas are realized?  <>

Haha, yeah, so I dunno.  I thought maybe if I got out my zaadz-angst that maybe it'd pass.  Afterall, I gotta say that I'm in the middle of quite the whirlwind of change, and Zaadz is a big part of that.  Maybe it makes sense that I have nothing to add at the moment.  I do know that there's one thing I've noticed:  Now that I'm not chained to a desk and computer for 9 hours a day, the last thing I want to do is spend much time on one!

So Hello to all my zaadzy pals :)  Even though we're not spending much time here, I know that you're out there doing awesome things.  Catch'ya on the flipside of this rollercoaster, eh?